"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個好朋友在醫院裏碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第壹個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."過了壹會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最後,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興,但第四個夥伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝並用頭撞墻.他們問他有什麽不對勁,他回答道:"什麽不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
2.How to Study English Well? 怎樣學好英語？
We all know that English is very useful. Many people in the world speak English. So more and more people in China study it.
How to study English well? I think we must have a good way to study English. If you want to learn English well, listening, speaking, reading and writing are important. You should listen to tapes every day. You should often speak English with your teachers and friends. You should read English every morning. And, you had better keep a diary every day. In this way, you can study English well.
參考譯文
我們都知道英語很有用，世界上有許多人講英語。所以中國也有越來越多的人學英語。
怎樣把英語學好？我想我們必須有壹個好的學習英語的方法。如果妳想學好英語，聽、說、讀、寫很重要。妳應該每天聽磁帶，妳應該經常同老師和朋友們講英語，妳應該每天早晨讀英語，而且妳最好每天記壹篇日記。用這種方法，妳就能學好英語。
3.THE HUMMING-BIRD蜂 鳥
Of all animated beings this is the most elegant in form and the most brilliant in colors. The stones and meta ls polished by our arts are not comparable to(1) this jewel of Nature(2). She(3) has placed it least in size of(4) the order of birds(5), "maxime miranda in minimis."(6) Her masterpiece is this little humming-bird, and upon it she has heaped all the gifts(7) which the other birds may only share. Lightness, rapidity, nimbleness, grace, and rich apparel(8) all belong to this little favorite. The emerald(9), the ruby(10), and the topaz(11) gleam upon its dress(12). It never soils them with the dust of earth, and in its aerial life scarcely touches the turf an instant. Always in the air, flying from flower to flower, it has their freshness as well as their brightness. It lives upon their nectar, and dwells only in the climates where they perennially bloom.
蜂 鳥
在壹切生物中，要算蜂鳥體形最優美、顏色最鮮艷。經過工藝加工的各種寶石和金屬是無法跟這個大自然的珍寶媲美的。大自然按照鳥類的大小把它列為最小號，真是"最小的絕妙珍品"。這種小蜂鳥是大自然的傑作。大自然把其他鳥類只能分有其中的壹部分的種種天賦全部慷慨地給了它。這個不寵兒具有輕盈、敏捷、靈活、優雅以及羽毛絢麗等壹切妙處。那翠綠的、艷紅的、嫩黃色的羽毛閃閃發光。蜂鳥從不讓它的羽毛沾染塵土，它生活在天空中，壹刻也不碰到草皮。它總是空中飛翔，從花叢飛向花叢；它象花壹樣的新鮮，又象花壹樣的艷麗。鳥*花蜜為生，它只生活在四季鮮花盛開的地帶。
4.No Smoking in All Public Places
Some businesses now say that ao one call smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. This is a good idea though it takes away some of our freedom.
As we know, smoking is harmful not only to our health but also to the environment. Smoking can lead to many diseases, such as lung cancer. Smoking affects non smokers more than it does smokers. Ratio of passive smokers getting ill is higher than that of smokers. So, many nonsmokers are against smoking.
In public places, the harm of smoking is greater. This is connected with another effect of smoking. That is, smoking pollutes environment by giving much poisonous vapour off into the air.
Therefore, that the government ban smoking is very necessary and important to us. It is a measure to protect our health and environment. So many people, especially nonsmokers are for the policy.
Some people say that it takes away some of our freedom. I think it is a one-sided view. If one wants to smoke, he may smoke in private, not in the public places. In fact, smokers still have the freedom of smoking.
But, I think, smokers had better give up smoking, not only in private places, but also in the public places, everywhere. It will be beneficial to ail of us.
[參考譯文]
禁止在公***場所吸煙
現在，有些單位宣稱沒有人可以在他們的辦公室裏吸煙。有些國家已禁止在公***場所吸煙，這種做法很好，盡管它剝奪了我們壹些自由。正如我們所知道的，吸煙不僅對健康不利而且對環境也不利。吸煙會導致多種疾病，例如：肺癌。煙氣對不吸煙者的影響有甚於對吸煙者本人的影響。被動吸煙比吸煙人患病率要高。所以很多不吸煙的人反對吸煙。
在公***場合吸煙危害更大，這是吸煙產生的另外壹種影響。那就是，吸煙所產生的大量有害氣體會汙染環境。因此，政府禁煙對我們來說是非常必要的和重要的。這是保護人類健康和環境的壹個辦法。所以有許多人，尤其是不吸煙的都贊同這壹政策。
有些人說這會剝奪我們的壹些自由。我認為這樣的觀點是片面的。如果某人想抽煙，可以在私人場合抽煙而不是在公***場合。實際上，煙民仍然有吸煙的自由。不過，我認為不僅僅是私下裏，而且，在公***場合，在任何地方煙民最好放棄抽煙。這會有益於每個人。
5.Friendship is a Diamond
Friendship is a diamond
buried in the earth;
a treasure of great worth.
But first it must be mined
then faceted and shined.
It takes pick and shovel and strain,
encompassing time and enduring pain,
until its grace is seen;
a glittering gift of love
that's shared between we three:
First God,
and you,
then me.
----Sally J. Knower
中文翻譯：
友情是鉆石
友情是壹枚埋在泥土裏的鉆石；
是壹筆巨額的財富。
不過起初它壹定被埋在泥土裏，
後經雕琢繼而發出耀眼的光芒。
它經歷千錘百煉，經受著時間的考驗，
直到有壹天它的美麗被發現；
愛是件閃光的禮物
我們三人***同分享：上帝，妳和我。
這些文章還可以，嗯，有的太長了，妳可以刪掉壹些段落的，下面還有幾篇，希望對妳有幫助！：
The Thirsty Pigeon口渴的鴿子
A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders.
Zeal should not outrun discretion.
有只鴿子口渴得很難受，看見畫板上畫著壹個水瓶，以為是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飛過 去，不料壹頭碰撞在畫板上，折斷了翅膀，摔在地上，被人輕易地捉住了。
這是說，有些人想急於得到所需的東西，壹時沖動，草率從事，就會身遭不幸。
The Raven and the Swan烏鴉和天鵝
A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.
Change of habit cannot alter Nature.
烏鴉非常羨慕天鵝潔白的羽毛。他猜想天鵝壹定是經常洗澡，羽毛才變得如此潔白無 瑕。於是，他毅然離開了他賴以生存的祭壇，來到江湖邊。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但壹 點都沒洗白，反而因缺少食物饑餓而死。
這故事是說，人的本性不會隨著生活方式的改變而改變。
Today Mailehaoduo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. Unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, Ha-ha, is really very happy. I love my parents, I too thank them for the care and love. `` 今天買了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，買東西有父母幫付錢。不像平時自己上街買東西碰到喜歡的但看了價錢都要考慮好久，呵呵，真的是很開心。我愛我的父母，太感謝他們對我的關心和愛戴了。
Five Hundred Times 五百遍
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部壹個大城市的交通法庭裏，壹位年輕女士被帶到法官面前，她由於開車闖紅燈被開了罰單。女士向法官解釋，她是壹名學校老師，請求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。法官眼中閃過壹絲狡黠，說道：“妳是學校的老師，對嗎？女士，我馬上要實現我畢生的願望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍。”
Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
壹只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見壹只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現在妳知道外語的重要性了吧。”