非暴力溝通是Nonviolent Communication（簡寫NVC）壹詞的中譯，又稱愛的語言、長頸鹿語言等。
著名的馬歇爾·盧森堡博士發現了神奇而平和的非暴力溝通方式，通過非暴力溝通，世界各地無數的人們獲得了愛、和諧和幸福。
當我們褪去隱蔽的精神暴力，愛將自然流露。
NVC相信，人的天性是友善的，暴力的方式是後天習得的。NVC還認為，我們所有人有***同的、基本的需要，人的行為是滿足壹種或多種需要的策略。
NVC的目的是通過建立聯系使我們能夠理解並看重彼此的需要，然後壹起尋求方法滿足雙方的需要。換言之，NVC提供具體的技巧幫助我們建立聯系，使友愛互助成為現實。
實踐經過
昨天在裏約逛的本來挺開心，可是到了晚上我們就抓狂：提前預訂的airbnb房間第二次被水！如果妳看過那篇我們剛到裏約的文章，第壹晚的住宿就是因為聯系不上Airbnb房東，我們“被迫”住進了豪華酒店。
在airbnb客服人員的協調下，我們預約了第二家，壹開始聯系不上，和客服耐著性子溝通協助。
我只能怪自己不會葡萄牙語。
後來聯系倒是聯系上了，結果房東說，他的房子已經有人住了！WTF？
早上我倆壹點玩的心情也沒有，默默目送Eddie他們離開後，決定蹲在酒店把房子先搞定。不然晚上我就要跟Eddie和Lucio三個人擠壹張床了，外帶兩個女生睡旁邊沙發床，五個人住壹間房，酒店會把我們轟出去吧……
客服換了壹波，
又壹波
我們的旅行時間流逝壹秒又壹秒。
妳說是不是攤上事兒了？
本來想訂個酒店算了，結果壹看狂歡節期間的價格，暴漲了不止3，4倍！
“事不過三，要不再試試？”我跟甜甜說。“妳再繼續找找房子，我必須和airbnb的客服來壹次非暴力溝通，要求賠償精神損失！”
我們倆的郵件來往幾乎可以作為投訴和危機公關的範例了，更是非暴力溝通的壹次具體實踐。
我首先開始
Hi Tiago,
Thanks for your quick response as a manager.
I totally understand your situation and I don't try to be mean but just wanna settle down soon. You see me and my wife has to sit in the hotel hall for over an hour busy contacting other airnbnb hosts but get no reply from any of them.
I can't call them because I don't speak Portuguese and I doubt if they speak English.
The thing is house sources can be found and but host NOT. My wife just got another host's response saying her house has been booked by someone already while I am writing a reply to you. How can this happen? A booked room info appears on the available list again? This can lead us to waste lots of time contacting nobody! Because they don't have a clue what's going on! And I have to say this is due to Airbnb checking system or whatever technology loophole!
So you see we both talk about reasons and solutions here. Can you see what you can do right now?
A disappointed-and-holiday-schedule-interrupted couple
我得承認這封郵件是帶著情緒的，寫的酣暢淋漓，壹氣呵成，但沒有破口大罵。如我所說，甜甜又聯系了壹家，被告知同樣的問題：出現在app中的房源信息聯系過後又說沒有了，那這不是airbnb系統的問題是什麽？可我知道現在的目標是落實住房和溝通賠償，我得讓他覺得負起責任來。
收到Tiago的回信：
Hi Jack,
Thank you so much for getting back to me on this. I really appreciate it. I completely understand where you are coming from and thank you for taking the time to explain the situation to me.
I tried to ring you just there but unfortunately I could not get through to you.
Jack, I apologize for the inconvenience this situation has caused you. Your host Marcelo had a guest already at the listing until the 17-02-2018, however his guest made a mistake when she tried to extend her stay, she mistakenly canceled the reservation instead of making alteration.
These situations are rare on Airbnb and I am going to work hard to make sure you are taken care of.
Airbnb will be covering 10% of any additional costs you incur towards your new reservation, however if you need I will talk with my supervisor to see if we can increase the coupon.
To help with your search, I've provided a direct link to some Airbnb listings in the area you're looking to stay.
壹大堆Link........
Jack, if you think any of these spaces might work for you, please contact the hosts directly to confirm availability and ask them any questions you may have. Please also let me know what you're looking for in accommodations so I can help you search for places . While I'm unable to make a reservation on your behalf, I'm more than happy to follow up with any hosts you contact.
I'd like to talk to you on the phone to better help clarify all your doubts. Can you please tell me a phone contact as well as the best time to call you.
I will be awaiting your reply, thank you very much.
Tiago
我只能說Tiago確實是受過良好訓練的客服經理，措辭顯得極為關心客戶；直呼其名更能體現直接對話的效果，值得借鑒。但他這個時候顯然還不知道到底發生了什麽，繼續推薦房源給我們，而甜甜已經又壹次被拒絕了，同樣的情形。但他態度誠懇，也有行動，回復及時。
於是我說：
Hi Tiago,
Thank you again for the support .
Me and my wife have been contacting different hosts for the past two hours. The major challenge we are facing now is almost all the contacts either don't reply or say that their house has been rented already. It really confuses us what's going on and leaves us in doubt if any rooms are really available at this moment.
My wife is using her Airbnb account to look for rooms but experienced the similar disappointment. No response. Or cancelation by the host. Or constantly calling your colleague for help and being redirect to other supporting Airbnb staff.
Due to cost of communication, which adds up to extra 10 hours on this and continuous despair, we can only now consider hotel in Rio, more direct and certain. We'd like to ask you to assist us applying higher refund on our Rio trip.
I totally understand this is not your problem and you have been very supportive. We like Airbnb and use it alsmot 20 times. However, sometimes when s*** hits the fan, nobody can escape but must clean the mess.
Thanks and look fwd to your positive reply soon.
Jack
由於多次聯系房東無果，這壹次我更直接了當的提出了問題和賠償要求，並表達了我不是針對個人和Airbnb，只是裏約目前的情況浪費了我們很多時間。當然整個過程大吼大叫沒有用，多說“謝謝”，“請”，“期待”這些詞更有助於溝通效果。又經過了壹個多小時的等待，甜甜也繼續在積極聯系房源，Tiago回復了。
Dear Jack,
Thank you again for your email.
We are hugely disappointed when situations like this occur, and it's our hope that we can take care of things and make it right.
I totally understand that you preferred to move your reservation into a hotel and I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting that was after having two cancellation in a row. While I am happy you and your wife booked a hotel, I feel so horrible that it even happened.
I am confirming with you that the amount of CN?2,392.64 has been refunded back to the Alipay. You will see the reflection with your financial institution within While this happens instantly on our end, it may take up to 3 full business days for Alipay to process and update your account to reflect the refund. Of course, it will depend on how quickly the institution can process returned funds.
Unfortunately, I cannot process a refund for the time of communication. But wait Jack, let's not stop there, let's take it up a notch. I do believe you are entitled to a form of compensation for what happened and, because of this, I would love to humbly offer you the next coupon, worth of $200 USD on behalf of Airbnb and which you can use if you'd like to go on a well-deserved trip for yourself, to have an adventure or a relaxing holiday. It is my way to let you know we appreciate you as a awesome member in the Airbnb community.
Your coupon code is:
This $200.00 USD coupon expires 2019-02-09 and is good for a single use on a Homes reservation on Airbnb. It can't be combined with any other offers or used for previous or existing reservations.
You can also find the coupon code by going to Account Settings > Payment Methods > Your Coupons.
Again my apologies for what has occurred, Jack, but I truly hope this information helps and that you are happy with the service I provided you with today , as well as with the compensation I offered you.
Have a wonderful holiday with your family in the beautiful city of Rio de Janeiro.
Thanks for being a valuable member to our community and I wish your next Airbnb experiences will be not less than amazing.
Warmest regards,
Tiago
www.airbnb.com/help
如果妳英文還不錯，在外企工作，妳註意到那些粗體字了嗎？這正是表達傾聽，同理，並且通過對話溝通，提出解決方案的經典句型，簡單好用，推薦收藏。當然最後200刀的賠償嘛則是意料之外的，沒想過那麽多。我對溝通結果是滿意的，加上之前酒店的報銷，這意味著我們在裏約的住宿費用基本可以被Cover掉。
事情到這裏，
還沒有結束！！！
甜甜的努力終於換來結果，有壹家房屋是由中介機構負責租賃的，回復有房，下午可以入住---這時候已經是下午3點了。我們興奮的抄起行李，打Uber過去，拿到快遞送來的鑰匙，滿懷期待的找到房間，開門，把行李壹股腦丟進去，準備躺在床上長舒壹口氣！
但眼前的實際情況是：屋子裏彌漫著壹股說不上來的味道，至少夾著汗味和煙味；兩人坐的皮沙發上搭著灰色床單，還有壹個枕頭，明顯是有人睡過；沙發腳邊則是壹雙紅色的籃球鞋和黑色的高跟鞋；往臥室壹瞥，兩個黑色行李箱大口敞開，裏面的東西散亂到地板；而床上則是亂糟糟的的被窩，床頭邊似乎還有不明塑膠產品！
WTH？這是哪兒？走錯屋了吧？我倆沒好氣的面面相覷，握著手裏的鑰匙，不知道是應該肯定還是懷疑。
沒辦法，只有繼續在Airbnb上和中介聯系，結果他查了半天，回復說：系統錯誤。這個房間是有人預訂了，不知道為什麽出現這種情況！
不！知！道！
剛剛為什麽不查清楚？
對於折騰了大半天的我們來說，這樣的消息簡直令人崩潰……
沈默。
房間的異味讓人想大吐唾沫。
但是，我們畢竟都是出來快180天的環遊旅行者了，抱怨沒有用，得靠溝通，擺脫困窘。
我們繼續非暴力溝通，首先讓中介取消訂單，接著向airbnb反饋！好消息是：甜甜也獲得了100刀的補償！而我的賬戶另外壹個客服又補償了我100刀，加上之前Tiago的補償，總***400刀！於是我們果斷放棄在裏約住民宿，直接看酒店，貴也是沒有辦法的事情了，反正有人買單了。
後記
我和Tiago還不忘非暴力溝通者之間的惺惺相惜：
Hi Tiago,
Obviously from this email, you have been working hard today to make things right and guests happy again. Thanks to your professional work and timely support.
Fortunately we are now settled down in Rio and try to enjoy the rest of the journey.
We will continue to trust Airbnb in the future and use the coupons you give.
Best,
Jack
既然人家幫忙了，也賠償了，就不要揪著不愉快的經歷繼續，公司大了什麽亂七八糟不可控制的事情都可能發生。我好好的誇了Tiago壹番，因為他scratch my back, 我也會scratch his back，中文就是互相幫襯，萬壹他的領導看見了這封郵件，對他的危機公關能力是壹種肯定。
Tiago也很識趣，說
Dear Jack,
You're very welcome. It's the least I could do for you!
I'm glad we could get this taken care of and you were so calm and cooperative throughout which is greatly appreciated!
It is through fantastic guests such as yourself , that we have such a vibrant community!
I wish you all the best,
Tiago
至此裏約airbnb溝通結束，這幾乎花了我們壹整個白天，過程的確心力交瘁。要克制住內心隨時爆發的火山真是不容易！不過還好我們都最終互相理解，表達關切，提出問題和需求，雙方協商解決。這就是非暴力溝通，不僅出現在課堂和書本裏，生活真的需要它。《非暴力溝通》強烈推薦大家春節假期讀壹讀，試壹試，受益壹輩子！
題外
甜甜找到兩家評價還不錯的酒店讓我選，我看了看圖片，自然是選便宜的那家。
我們把airbnb鑰匙丟在樓下物管，又風風火火的打Uber奔往酒店。開了壹會我才註意到，這家酒店在山上！
車子駛向壹座貧民窟，我心裏低估，這不會在上面吧？可是Google地圖顯示方向正確。越往上走，心裏越沈不住：眾所周知裏約的貧民窟裏時有犯罪和火拼發生，我們可不想偶遇這樣的事情。
車子開到半山腰，就是找不到酒店，司機也不會英語，我們只好停下來問路人。
幾經周折找到酒店電話，原來在壹條岔路口上去。大門緊鎖，仿佛是在防衛什麽，如果不是工作人員出來開門，我真的懷疑這是壹家精品酒店。
惴惴不安的我倆，拖著疲憊的身心和行李，被壹個小光頭的酒店服務生接待。“Hello，Welcome！”謝天謝地，他會說英語！隨後這名叫Jackson的小夥子帶我們參觀了酒店，我和甜甜才放下心來，
最驚艷的是，這裏的露臺可以直接眺望遠處的面包山和基督山！
看到右上角的俯視大地的基督像麽？
行李放好，時間尚早。明天要去基督山，原本是要在城中的壹個車站乘坐面包車上山的；但我機智的發現半山腰的酒店離基督山很近了啊，明早就不用6點起床去趕車，我們可以走路去啊！我提議獨自出去探探路，順便運動運動，壹個小時就可以往返。
落實了酒店住處，出門走路也是愉快的，上山的路雖然辛苦，但沿途遇到警察和其他的跑步者點頭微笑，我安心不少。
路上風景也是不錯，俯瞰整個海灣。
然鵝，我還是對出發前的判斷失誤了！原本往返壹個小時變成單邊1個多小時，還沒走到山門賣票的地方。
此時天色已晚，而山裏居然沒有路燈！這是壹個人作死的道路。
怎麽辦？回去，可能還要花壹個多小時，且沒有路燈。周圍各種動物的叫聲開始此起彼伏……我決定繼續往前走，到了山頂售票處肯定有下山的車，到時候碰碰運氣搭個順風車了。
到達山門入口處，還好看到有車往山下走，我揮手試圖攔住壹輛，
“唰！”
再伸手，
“唰！”
三伸手，
“唰！”
但這次我註意到了裏面並沒有坐滿人，於是記得《哈佛大學最受歡迎的談判課》裏有壹招，望著遠去的車子的後視鏡，什麽都不要做。
車子，緩緩停下來啦！具體為什麽，妳要去看那本書了。
我趕快小步跑上去，和我打招呼的是看上去皮膚黝黑紮著辮子的本地姑娘，
“Hello，Are you okay?” 她友好的問。
我肯定是抓住救命稻草壹般，急切的表達了我錯誤預估了上山時間，走路現在回不去，問能否搭個順風車？眼神相對，真誠鏈接上了。她回頭問問了身邊的人，似乎在確認什麽，然後轉過來說：“Hop On！”
我迅速抓開車門，壹屁股坐上，劃好車門。“Bang!”車門緊縮，車子出發，我才長舒壹口氣！
隨後就是各種搞笑的對話，原來她們英語也不咋地，問我是不是Jacky Chan（成龍），我說妳猜對了壹半。隨後又用我問她們是否會西班牙語，後來才知道這是個很笨的問題，葡萄牙和西班牙本身就是鄰居，語言也差不多。於是我蹩腳的跟她們對話，發音肯定又問題，逗的她們哈哈大笑。隨後我又請教她們葡萄牙語“謝謝”和“非常謝謝”，壹會肯定用得著啊！
車子下山，窗外已是暗黑，車內卻是愉快的氛圍。很快到了分開的地方，
“姆於多啊不裏噶多！”這是我新學會的葡萄牙語“非常謝謝！” 望著遠去的車子，這次我伸出手使勁向她們揮！真心感謝，否則我真不知道怎麽回來了。
美好的事情總是伴隨著痛苦，好像上帝的腳下就是貧民窟。
明天去看上帝。
我發誓這幅圖是在我歷經千辛萬苦回到酒店才看到的。明明出發的時候只有1.8公裏啊？怎麽變長了3倍距離？